Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
