Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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