You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
