I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
