So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
