The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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