he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
