If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
