Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
