420 ftw
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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