you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
