so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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