Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
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I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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