if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
