My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
