im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Found the puke drawer
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I could fuck to npr.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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