No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
