Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
