Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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