someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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