I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize