i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
