cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
