i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
