Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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