AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
