omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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