my mouth tastes like poor choices
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
