dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
