She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
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I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
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Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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