btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
