i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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