***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
