Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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