The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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