I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
