so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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