'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
