Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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