My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
