if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
