I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
