So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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