absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
