guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This baby is an asshole
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
