so that wasnt chicken after all
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
