I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
