im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
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Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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