Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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