Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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