Do you still have your period?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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