Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
