We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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