you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
