In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
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i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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