I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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