if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
