i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
