I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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