Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
