I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
why do cheetos always look like penises
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
