can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
