yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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