I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
