Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
