The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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