All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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