he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
