I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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