i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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