Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
