you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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