She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
