East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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