I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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