I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
