We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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