God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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